By Omair Alavi

We all know that anything’s possible in Pakistan – a convict can run for the elections and win, the most corrupt person in the country can become the President whereas politicians can change parties with a moment’s notice. What even tops these idiosyncrasies is the fact that the country has had comedians for Minister of Interior Affairs, which, as the name suggests, is considered the most important ministry after the Prime Minister himself.

During the Musharaf regime, the Interior Ministry was under the (un)able guidance of Chaudhary Shujaat Hussain who is a questionable character in all probabilities. He can’t even speak his own name properly let alone be understood by his subordinates. But Shujaat Hussain isn’t the one I am talking about, it’s his predecessor – the current Interior Minister Rehman Malik – who has broken all records by being inept as well as illogical at the same time. Just recently, he left for a surprise visit of the war-torn Lyari when in Karachi, but met everyone except the ones who needed him the most. His gestures were shown on TV in which he was showing the people that he was not wearing any bulletproof vest, but was that even necessary?

He is also the master of making the media crazy, giving them one liners that would have made even the great Munawwar Zarif (Pakistani comedian) proud. Instead of accepting that the government was unable to apprehend those behind target killing in Pakistan, he claimed that most of the deceased died naturally, accidentally or at the hands of their girlfriends! On his current visit to the metropolis, he told the media that he had solid proof that Nawaz Sharif took loan from Mehran Bank and never returned it. Dear Minister, if you had proof, why didn’t you give it to the Supreme Court which is pursuing the case?

And then there are his media briefings in which he believes that whatever he is saying is making sense. In fact, his media talks bring smile on people’s face because they are so ridiculous. Who can forget his claims that the terrorist at the Mehran Base last year were dressed like Star Wars characters or the fact that Taliban were active in Lyari. Even if Taliban dress up as Balochis, I wouldn’t believe Mr. Malik’s theory because like always, he seems to retract his statements and claim that the electronic media misreported what he said.

But what about the print media and websites which carry his statements right from the horse’s mouth! Only Rehman Malik can say, “I am thankful to everyone, including the Taliban, for their cooperation in ensuring peaceful Ashura processions,” or “The government will take action against the terrorists at any cost, and it does not care whether it remains in power or not.” He has also said,”The incidents of target killing have dropped considerably and activities of miscreants are being monitored through satellite.”

It is for these ‘intellectual’ statements that Mr Malik is now a decorated civilian, and above all, has ‘Doctor’ added to his name. May be the university gave him the title to make the young doctors feel bad about their profession, and it seems they have succeeded!

What Pakistan really needs is a head of state who can choose the right man for the right job, instead of the worst man for the most important one. It’s all in the hands of the people who, if use their right to vote wisely, can change the course of their own future.